爱吃辣的加拿大大叔
雅思托福10多年一线教学
中文说得还不错，头像是他家猫
在这里分享他原创的雅思写作干货
每篇范文都有配音，在同名公众号“英语考试Cat”
你好呀，我是来自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。今天，给大家带来一个雅思大作文的两个版本：6分版 vs 8.5分版。
老规矩，以下是正文目录：
1，题目
2，6分版
3，Mac修改
4，Mac的范文：朗读 解析
上题：
The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
6分版（来自我的学生）：
The bar chart contrasts the top ten countries for electricity generation and consumption, measured in billion kWh, in the year of 2014.
Overall, China produced and consumed the most electricity whereas South Korea generated and used the least in the same year. The volume of electricity for both categories within each country was almost at parity during the same period.
Over 5,300 billion kWh of electric power, the highest among the top ten countries, was generated and consumed in China, which was approximately 1,300 billion kWh higher than that of the United States. Unlike the US, however, the electricity generation and utilization capacity in Russia was significantly lower, registering at just over 1,000 billion kWh of electricity, an amount similar to that of Japan.
The electrical energy production and consumption volume of South Korea, sitting at only 485.1 and 449.5 billion kWh respectively, was more than 10 times lower compared to China in both categories, making it the country making and consuming the least power in 2014.
Mac修改：
以下是Mac原创的版本：
- Model Answer 高分范文 & 范文朗读 -
▲范文音频戳这里▲
The bar chart contrasts the top ten nations in their amounts of electricity consumed and generated, measured in kilowatts per hour, in the year of 2014.
Overall, China commanded in both production and consumption of electricity, and was followed closely by the United States; meanwhile Brazil, Germany and South Korea ranked near or at the bottom of the list.
China led the United States in both producing and consuming electrical power by about 1,400 trillion kWh; whereas the gap between the U.S. and Russia doubled (OR was around double) this number, with the U.S. standing at 4.099 trillion kWh produced and about 200 billion kWh less in their consumption. Japan was fourth on the list, and sat below Russia by about the same amount that was the variation between using and creating power in the U.S. India, Canada, and France round out fifth to seventh places, with France’s creation of electricity almost on par with Brazil’s and Germany’s. Sitting tenth on the list was South Korea, which joined Canada, France and Brazil in expending less than 500 million kWh, and created only 485 billion kWh.
- Essay Analysis 范文解析 -
Standard Phrase 小作文高分句型：
- The bar chart contrasts
- in their amount of
- measured in kilowatts per hour
- in the year of
- Overall,
- and was followed closely by
- ranked near or at the bottom of the list
- standing at
- fourth on the list
- sat below
- by about the same amount that
Vocabulary 高分地道词汇和短语：
- commanded
- led
- the gap between
- doubled
- the variation between
- round out fifth to seventh places
- almost on par with
- Sitting tenth
Vocabulary for Electricity (produce and consume):
- electricity consumed and generated
- electricity/electrical power/power
- consumed/consuming
- generated
- producing/produced
- using
- creating/creation/created
- expending
Cohesion (C&C words and phrases):
- both
- , and
- ; meanwhile
- by about
- ; whereas,
- this number
- , with
- their
- almost
- , which
- less than
- , and
- only
以上就是我今天分享的关于雅思的部分干货，如果你在考雅思，或单纯想提升英语，做1个动作：点击关注我，及时收看更多干货好文。
祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！
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