Do you struggle with relationships?
你的人际关系是正常的吗？
It's easy to get lost in life and in your relationships. It comes and goes.
在生活和人际关系中，大部分人都很容易迷失方向，生活总是人来人往。
And there were probably times you wondered, what went wrong?
可能有几次你会想，到底是哪里出了问题？
There are certain types of behavior that damage your relationships.
有一些特定的行为会损害你的人际关系。
And sometimes you don't even notice when you're doing them.
有时你甚至没有注意到你在做这些事情。
So, today we're going to find out what they are and how to prevent them.
所以，今天我们一起来看看都有哪些行为对人际关系有害，以及我们如何去预防。
number one, refusing to say sorry.第一，从不道歉。
How do you resolve fights or misunderstandings?
你如何解决争执或误解？
Do you sometimes refuse to back down, even if it's your own mistake?
你是否有时会拒绝退缩，即使这确实是你的过错？
Practicing healthy communication is vital for relationships.
健康的沟通对人际关系至关重要。
This includes the ability to admit that you are the one at fault.
这包括承认自己的错误的能力。
There is power in this act.
这一行动是有力量的。
It shows that you are mature enough to look at your own shortcomings, and capable of overcoming them to the best of your ability.
这表明你足够成熟，能够正视自己的缺点，并有能力最大限度地克服它们。
But why is it so difficult to say sorry?
但是为什么说对不起就这么难呢？
Well, saying sorry can lead to feelings of shame.
这是因为，说对不起会让人感到羞愧。
This can make you feel bad about yourself and rethink whether you're a good person or not.
这会让你对自我的感觉产生偏差，并会思考自己到底是不是一个好人。
It helps to remember saying sorry doesn't equate to you having a bad personality.
记住，说对不起并不等同于你性格不好，这一点需要说明。
Saying sorry just means that you're willing to admit that you're wrong, and you cherish the other person and will try to be better for them.
说对不起只意味着你愿意承认自己错了，你珍惜对方，并想要努力地去经营这段关系。
Number two, having low self-esteem.第二，缺乏自尊。
You tend to be insecure about your own self, skills or appearance.
你往往对自我、能力或外表缺乏安全感。
People who have low self-esteem try to diminish these feelings by fully relying on their relationships for emotional or psychological stability.
自尊心低的人会完全依赖他们的人际关系，以此来获得情绪或心理上的稳定，从而减少这些不安的感觉。
This is called codependency.
这就是所谓的相互依赖。
And this can make a relationship go from healthy to toxic fast.
这会让一段关系迅速从健康变为有害。
Being codependent can stem from abusive families, childhood upbringing, or exposure to people with mental or physical illnesses.
这种依赖感可能源于不幸的家庭、童年的教育，或者与患有精神或身体疾病的人的接触。
But don't worry, there's always room for growth.
但别担心，事情总是有转机的。
For starters, you can try developing your own self-care routines to encourage feelings of relaxation and happiness.
首先，你可以试着培养自己的自我关怀，去享受放松和快乐的感觉。
What makes you feel good? Do you like going to the spa? Taking long walks? Doing some exercise?
什么让你感觉很好？你喜欢去水疗中心吗？你喜欢遛弯吗？喜欢锻炼身体吗？
It's important to explore and identify the things you like doing.
探索和确定你喜欢做的事情是很重要的。
So, you can incorporate them into your own schedule.
这样，你就可以将它们合并到自己的日程安排中。
Spend time with your supportive friends, or even go to a therapist.
花时间和支持你的朋友们在一起，甚至去看心理医生也无不可。
Someone will always be there to help you when you need it.
当你需要的时候，总会有人可以为你提供一定的帮助。
Number three, refusing to compromise.第三，拒绝妥协。
Relationships are about getting close to someone else.
人际关系就是与人亲近。
But being two different people, you're bound to have some disagreements along the way.
但作为两个不同的个体，你们在这个过程中肯定会有一些分歧。
And that's why we have the magic of compromise.
这就是为什么我们会有妥协。
You discuss your side of the story and get to a unified decision that satisfies you both, leading to further growth as a team.
你们开展讨论，并达成一个让你们双方都满意的统一决定，从而促进团队的进一步发展。
But do you feel like you're sacrificing more than compromising? Or perhaps you feel like you're asking too much of someone already.
但你觉得你的妥协过了吗？或者你可能觉得你对某人的要求太高了。
These types of situations can cause negative feelings such as bitterness or resentment to develop.
这些情况都有可能会导致负面情绪的发展，比如痛苦或怨恨。
So how do you prevent this?
那么，如何防止这种情况发生呢？
Understand that you, your friend, family, or partner are completely different people.
要明白，你和你的朋友、家人或伴侣是完全不同的人。
You'll never be on the same side all the time. And that's okay.
你永远不会一直站在同一阵营，这没什么。
Find a new alternative that works for you both.
找一个对你们都有效的新的方案。
And try to build an environment that's both peaceful and yet open to healthy arguments.
并努力营造一个既和平又开放的环境，接受健康的争论。
Communicate, and put yourself in their shoes as you listen.
去交流，去设身处地为他们着想，去倾听。
Number four, always putting them first.第四，总是把他人放在第一位。
When you love someone, you have a natural inclination to show them with affection.
当你爱一个人时，你会自然而然地想向他人表达爱意。
Sometimes it even comes at the expense of your own physical and mental health.
有时，它甚至会以牺牲自己的身心健康为代价。
You go out of your way to make them feel happy.
你不遗余力地想让他人感到快乐。
You give them gifts, tell them compliments, and protect them whichever way you can. That's all good.
你送给他们礼物，不断赞美他们，并尽你所能保护他们，这些都很好。
But are you also giving the same treatment to your own body and self?
但你是否也这样对待自己呢？
Remember that your relationship with yourself comes first before everything else.
记住，你和自己的人际关系才是第一位的。
So, it needs some love and care as well. Try taking some time off for yourself.
所以，你也需要一些爱和关怀，试着为自己抽出一些时间。
Pursue your passions, hobbies, or even get new ones.
追求你的激情、爱好，甚至去发掘新的爱好。
Keeping your sense of independence alive is a way to stop depending on others for your own emotional and psychological stability.
保持独立感，是一种停止依赖他人来保持自己情绪和心理稳定的方法。
Own your life. You matter.
主宰你的生活，你很重要。
Number five, always putting yourself first.第五，永远把自己放在第一位。
This is just the exact opposite of number four. But it needs to be said.
这与第四条正好相反，但这是必须要说的。
Just like how some people have an inclination to always put themselves last, others have the tendency to always put themselves first.
一些人做事从不考虑自己，但是另一些人总是先考虑自己。
This is not self-love. See, self-love means nurturing yourself to become a better presence all around.
这都不是爱自己的表现，爱自己意味着将自己变得更好。
You give yourself time off, distance yourself from toxic people, and grant yourself the chance to enjoy life.
给自己一段时间，远离那些让自己不开心的人，给自己享受生活的机会。
However, when you're doing whatever you wanna do without considering other people's feelings, you may come off as selfish.
然而，当你做任何你想做的事而不考虑别人的感受时，你可能就会变得很自私。
This is why it helps to be aware of your own actions.
这就是为什么意识到自己所做的的行为很有必要。
Consider how your actions are affecting your relationships.
想想你的行为是如何影响你的人际关系的。
Did they seem to be hurt by what you said? Are some people putting some distance away from you?
他人会被你说的话伤害吗？是不是有些人在和你保持距离？
Keep an eye out for any possible indicators.
密切关注任何可能的迹象。
And don't be afraid to face them head on if you do.
如果你这样做了，不要害怕，迎头面对。
Open up your feelings and admit your mistakes to those you feel you've wronged. It's a sign of maturity.
敞开你的心扉，向那些你觉得受了委屈的人承认你的错误，这是成熟的标志。
And your loved ones will certainly appreciate the effort.
你所爱的人肯定会感激你的努力。
And number six, harboring grudges.第六，心怀怨恨。
Are you the type of person who likes to hold onto a grudge?
你是那种喜欢怀恨在心的人吗？
Holding a grudge is a defense mechanism.
怨恨是一种防御机制。
And some grudges last longer than others depending on the cause.
原因可能各异，但是一些怨恨持续的时间要比其他的长。
Keeping grudges may cage you in a whirlwind of negative emotions like anger, bitterness, resentment, and hopelessness.
心怀怨恨可能会让你陷入愤怒、痛苦、怨恨和绝望等负面情绪的漩涡之中。
There really aren't a lot of benefits to it, and can damage your relationships.
这样做真的没有太多好处，反而会破坏你的人际关系。
When you're angry, give yourself some time to let this steam off.
当你生气的时候，给自己一些时间来发泄一下。
Go for a walk. Do some exercise and try to get your mind off what is making you angry.
去散步。做些运动，试着忘掉让你生气的事情。
After you've calmed down, reflect on what happened and try to build your way to a resolution.
在你平静下来之后，反思所发生的事情，并努力找到解决办法。
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