我不再装模作样地拥有很多朋友，而是回到孤单之中，以真正的我开始新的生活。
Instead of pretending to have a lot of friends, I went back to loneliness and started a new life with my true self.
我的孤独时刻 ：
去b站看直播，找那些刚刚开始直播的小up主聊天，他们很努力，你随便发什么他们都会和你互动。
然后我就这样找人聊了一整天。
My lonely moments:
Go to station B to watch the live broadcast and chat with the small up hosts who have just started the live broadcast. They work very hard. Whatever you send, they will interact with you.
And then I talked to people all day.
昨天在街上逛，看见了一对情侣，男生很帅，女生身上穿的裙子是我相中很久但没舍得买的。
我站在那，看着他们俩，突然有点难受，怎么裙子和爱情我都没有。
Yesterday in the street, I saw a couple, the boy is very handsome, the girl is wearing a skirt that I have been looking forward to for a long time, but I am not willing to buy.
I stood there, looking at them, suddenly a little uncomfortable, how skirt and love I do not have.
我又开始焦虑了，被孤单一点一点侵蚀着 ，像几万只蚂蚁在血液里爬 ，脑子里被塞满了注了水的棉花，毛毛虫往心里钻洞。
我可能太容易被人影响情绪了，还是不该被接近的 。
I began to worry again. I was eroded by loneliness, like tens of thousands of ants crawling in my blood. My brain was filled with water filled cotton and caterpillars drilling holes in my heart.
I may be too easily affected by people, or should not be approached.
我给世界唱歌，却给了自己孤单的角色。
I sing to the world, but I give myself a lonely role.
发现了，大多数人认识我三天，要不然就是特别喜欢我，要不然就是觉得我很烦。
喜欢我的人我只能说大家挺有眼光的，因为我确实值得被爱，讨厌我的我也觉得挺有眼光的，因为我自己也很讨厌自己。
I found that most people have known me for three days, either they like me very much or they think I'm bored.
I can only say that people who like me have a lot of vision, because I really deserve to be loved, and those who hate me also have a lot of vision, because I also hate myself.
我不得不假装喜欢月亮，因为太阳不会喜欢我，我偏爱着孤独，却又假装活在人群中。
I have to pretend like the moon, because the sun will not like me, I prefer loneliness, but pretend to live in the crowd.
我坐在那窗边的椅子上，手里捧着杯温度刚好的咖啡，静候夕阳下山，看着黑夜不停地渐变，直至深沉。
I sat on the chair by the window, holding a cup of coffee with just the right temperature in my hand, waiting for the sunset to go down, watching the continuous gradual change of the night until it was deep.
一年到头，发现自己还是想要花，想要酒，想要亲密的爱，想要不考虑明日的快乐，想要用不完的柔情和耗不尽的浪漫心绪，想要呼吸相接，想要一个人靠过来的时候和我不一样的体温，想要毫无防备的拥抱。
Throughout the year, I find that I still want flowers, wine, intimate love, happiness without thinking about tomorrow, endless tenderness and endless romantic mood, breathing together, different body temperature when I lean over, and unprepared embrace.
【图源网络，侵删致歉】
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