17
Crossing the Threshold 踏进门槛
1960
One day during the reading summer when she motored to Jumpin's, he said, “Now, Miss Kya, there's sump'm else. Some men been pokin' 'round, askin' 'bout ya.”
阅读之夏的某一天，基娅开船到老跳那儿，他说：“基娅小姐，有点事。有人在附近转悠，打听你。”
She looked right at him instead of off to the side. “Who, what d'they want?”
她没有闪避，而是直直地看向他，问：“谁？他们想怎么样？”
“I b'lieve they're from the Sochul Services. They askin' all kinds of questions. Is yo' pa still 'round, where ya ma is, if ya goin' to school this fall. An when ya come here; they 'specially wanta know what times ya come here.”
“我想他们是社会服务部门的，问了各种各样的问题，比如你爸爸还在吗，你妈妈去哪儿了，今年秋天你去不去学校。还有你什么时候来这儿。他们尤其关心你来这儿的时间。”
“What'd you tell 'em, Jumpin'?”
“你怎么跟他们说的，老跳？”
“Well, I done ma best to put 'em off ya. Told 'em ya pa just fine, out fishin's all.” He laughed, threw his head back. “Then I told 'em I neva know when ya boat in here. Now, don't ya worry none, Miss Kya. Jumpinll send 'em on a snipe hunt if they come again.”
“我尽力不让他们来烦你，告诉他们你爸爸很好，经常出来钓鱼，”他笑着，脑袋后仰，“然后我告诉他们我从来不知道你的船什么时候来。你什么都不用担心，基娅小姐。他们再来，我老跳就给他们来一出猎鹬游戏。”
“Thank ya.” After filling her tank, Kya headed straight home. She'd have to be on guard more now, maybe find a place in the marsh where she could hide out some until they gave up on her.
“谢谢。”加满油箱后，基娅直接往家开。她现在得更加警惕，或许在湿地里找一个可以藏身的地方，直到他们放弃她。
Late that afternoon, as Tate pulled up to the shore, the hull crunching softly on sand, she said, “Can we meet somewheres else, 'sides here?”
那天下午晚些时候，泰特把船停靠在岸边，船身轻柔地压在沙滩上，她说：“我们可以在别地方见面吗？”
“Hey, Kya, good to see you.” Tate greeted her, still sitting at the tiller.
“你好，基娅，见到你很高兴。”泰特向她问好，依旧坐在舵柄旁。
“What d'ya think?”
“你觉得怎么样？”
“It's besides, not 'sides, and it's polite to greet people before asking a favor.”
“应该说别的，不是别，而且请别人帮忙之前先问好才是有礼貌的做法。”
“You say 'sides sometimes,” she said, almost smiling.
“你有时候也说别。”她说，差点笑了出来。
“Yeah, we all got magnolia mouth, being from the North Carolina sticks, but we have to try.”
“是的，我们都有点口音，毕竟是北卡罗来纳人，不过我们要试着改变。”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Tate,” she said, making a little curtsy. He caught a glimpse of the spunk and sass somewhere inside. “Now, can we meet somewhere besides here? Please.”
“下午好，泰特先生。”她说，行了一个小小的屈膝礼。他感受到了她的勇气和不驯。“我们可以在别的地方见面吗？”
“Sure, I guess, but why?”
“当然，但是为什么呢？”
“Jumpin' said the Social Services are lookin' for me. I'm scared they'll pull me in like a trout, put me in a foster home or sump'm.”
“老跳说社会服务部门的人在找我。我担心他们会像抓鳟鱼一样把我抓住，丢到一个寄养家庭或类似的地方。”
“Well, we better hide way out there where the crawdads sing. I pity any foster parents who take you on.” Tate's whole face smiled.
“我们最好藏得远远的，到蝲蛄吟唱的地方。我同情任何一对收养你的养父母。”泰特整张脸都笑开了。
“What d'ya mean, where the crawdads sing? Ma used to say that.” Kya remembered Ma always encouraging her to explore the marsh: “Go as far as you can—way out yonder where the crawdads sing.”
“蝲蛄吟唱的地方是什么意思？妈妈也这么说过。”基娅记得妈妈总是鼓励她探索湿地：“尽你所能往远了走，远到蝲蛄吟唱的地方。”
“Just means far in the bush where critters are wild, still behaving like critters. Now, you got any ideas where we can meet?”
“就是灌木丛深处，那里的生物都还有野性，还表现得像生物。好了，我们在哪里见面？你有什么想法吗？”
“There's a place I found one time, an old fallin'-down cabin. Once you know the turnoff, ya can get there by boat; I can walk there from here.”
“我曾经到过一个地方，一栋快倒塌的破旧小屋。只要知道岔道怎么走，就能开船过去。可以从这里走过去。”
“Okay then, get in. Show me this time; next time we'll meet there.”
“好的，上船吧，这次你给我指路。下次我们在那里见。”
“If I'm out there I'll leave a little pile of rocks right here by the tyin'-up log.” Kya pointed to a spot on the lagoon beach. “Otherwise, I'm 'round here somewhere and will come out when I hear yo' motor.”
“如果我去那儿了，会在这个系船的木桩上放一小堆石头，”基娅指着潟湖沙滩上的一个地方，“不然，我就是在这附近的什么地方，听到你的船声我就会出来。”
They puttered slowly through the marsh, then planed off south through open sea, away from town. She bounced along in the bow, wind-tears streaming across her cheeks and tickling cool in her ears. When they reached a small cove, she guided him up a narrow freshwater creek hung low with brambles. Several times the creek seemed to peter out, but Kya motioned that it was okay to go on, and they crashed through more brush.
他们慢慢驶过湿地，然后朝南加速经过外海，离开小镇。她在船头起伏，风吹出的眼泪顺着脸颊流下，冷冷地灌进耳朵里，有点发痒。到了一个小湾，她指引他开进一条狭窄的淡水小溪，两边荆棘低垂。有几次小溪似乎要消失了，但基娅示意可以继续开，船撞倒了更多灌木。
Finally they broke into a wide meadow where the stream ran by an old one-room log cabin, collapsed on one end. The logs had buckled, some lying around the ground like pick-up sticks. The roof, still sitting on the half wall, sloped down from high end to low like a lopsided hat. Tate pulled the boat up onto the mud and they silently walked to the open door.
最后，他们到达一处宽阔的草甸，溪边有一栋老旧的小木屋，只有一个房间，一端已经倒塌了。木头弯曲变形，有些散落在地上，像捡来的柴火。屋顶蹲在只剩一半的墙上，从高处倾斜下来，像戴歪了的帽子。泰特把船拖上泥地，然后和基娅一起安静地走向小屋敞开的门。
Inside was dark and reeked of rat urine. “Well, I hope you don't plan on living here—the whole thing could collapse on your head.” Tate pushed at the wall. It seemed sturdy enough.
屋里黑黑的，散发着老鼠尿的味道。“呃，我希望你没打算住在这里——房子可能会坍塌，压你头上。”泰特推了推墙。看起来倒是挺结实的。
“It's just a hideout. I can stash some food 'case I have to go on the run awhile.”
“就是一个藏身的地方。我可以储存一些食物，万一我得再逃亡一段时间。”
Tate turned and looked at her as their eyes adjusted to the dark.
泰特转身看向她，眼睛渐渐适应了昏暗。
“Kya, you ever thought of just going back to school? It wouldn't kill you, and they might leave you alone if you did.”
“基娅，你有没有想过回学校去？你不会死的。你回去了，可能他们就不会再打扰你了。”
“They must've figured out I'm alone, and if I go, they'll grab me, put me in a home. Anyway, I'm too old for school now. Where would they put me, first grade?” Her eyes widened at the notion of sitting in a tiny chair, surrounded by little kids who could pronounce words, count to fifty.
“他们一定是知道了我现在孤身一人。如果我去了，他们会抓住我，送进某个家庭。无论如何，就上学的年纪来说，我现在也太大了。我读哪个年级呢，一年级？”想到自己坐在小椅子上，周围都是能拼单词、能数到五十的小孩，她的眼睛瞪大了。
“What, so you plan to live alone in the marsh forever?”
“什么，所以你打算一个人永远生活在湿地里？”
“Better than going to a foster home. Pa used to say he'd farm us out to one if we were bad. Told us they're mean.”
“比去寄养家庭好。爸爸说过，如果我们不好，就把我们送去那里。他说他们都很恶劣。”
“No, they're not. Not always. Most of them are nice people who like kids,” he said.
“不，他们不恶劣。不全是。大部分都是喜欢孩子的好人。”他说。
“You sayin' you'd go to a foster home 'fore you'd live in the marsh?” she asked, chin jutted out, hand on her hip.
“你是说你会去一个寄养家庭而不是住在湿地里？”她问，下巴抬起，手放在臀上。
He was silent a minute. “Well, bring some blankets out, matches in case it gets cold. Maybe some tins of sardines. They last forever. But don't keep fresh food; it'll bring the bears in.”
他沉默了一会儿。“好吧，带些毯子来，还有火柴，以防天气变冷。或许再来一些沙丁鱼罐头，可以存放很久。但别放新鲜食物，会引来熊。”
“I ain't scared of bears.”
“我巴怕熊。”
“I'm not scared of bears.”
“我不怕熊。”
FOR THE REST of the summer Kya and Tate did the reading lessons at the tumbledown cabin. By mid-August they had read through A Sand County Almanac, and although she couldn't read every word, she got most of it. Aldo Leopold taught her that floodplains are living extensions of the rivers, which will claim them back any time they choose. Anyone living on a floodplain is just waiting in the river's wings. She learned where the geese go in winter, and the meaning of their music. His soft words, sounding almost like poetry, taught her that soil is packed with life and one of the most precious riches on Earth; that draining wetlands dries the land for miles beyond, killing plants and animals along with the water. Some of the seeds lie dormant in the desiccated earth for decades, waiting, and when the water finally comes home again, they burst through the soil, unfolding their faces. Wonders and real-life knowledge she would've never learned in school. Truths everyone should know, yet somehow, even though they lay exposed all around, seemed to lie in secret like the seeds.
夏天剩下的日子，基娅和泰特在摇摇欲坠的小屋里上阅读课。到了八月中旬，他们读完了《沙乡年鉴》，虽然不是每个单词都认识，但基娅大部分都懂了。奥尔多·利奥波德告诉她，河漫滩是河流活的延伸，但它们任何时候都可能被河流收回。所有生活在河漫滩的人都是在河流的翅膀上等待。她了解了雪雁冬天去哪儿，以及它们歌声的意义。他温柔的文字听起来几乎就像是诗，告诉她土壤中满是生命，是地球上最宝贵的财富之一；排干湿地的水会导致数英里土地干涸，动植物将和水一起消失。一些种子可以在干涸的土壤里休眠几十年，等待着，当水终于再度回来时，它们冲破土层，舒展脸庞。这些奇妙的、源于真实生活的知识，是学校永远不会教给她的。每个人都应该知道这些真理，然而不知为何，尽管它们四处显现，似乎仍然如壳里的种子一般没人看得见。
They met at the log cabin several times a week, but she slept most nights in her shack or on the beach with the gulls. She had to collect firewood before winter, so made a mission of it, toting loads from near and far and stacking them somewhat neatly between two pines. The turnips in her garden barely poked their heads above the goldenrod; still she had more vegetables than she and the deer could eat. She harvested the last of the late-summer crop and stored the squash and beets in the cool shade of the brick-'n'-board steps.
他们每周在木屋见几次面，不过大多数晚上她都睡在自家的棚屋或者和海鸟们一起睡在沙滩上。她必须在冬天来临之前收集柴火，于是把这列为一项任务，从远近各处背回来，整齐地码在两棵松树之间。园子里的芜菁几乎没有从麒麟草丛中探出头来。不过她仍有充足的蔬菜，她加上鹿都吃不完。她收了晚夏最后一茬玉米，把南瓜和甜菜储藏在砖木台阶凉爽的阴影里。
But all the while, she kept her ears out for the lugging sounds of an automobile, filled with men come to take her away. Sometimes the listening was tiresome and creepy, so she'd walk to the log cabin and sleep the night on the dirt floor, wrapped in her spare blanket. She timed her mussel collecting and fish smoking so that Tate could take them to Jumpin's and bring back her supplies. Keeping her underbelly less exposed.
但她一直有留意汽车吃力前行的声音，想象车里坐满了来带走她的人。有时候，这种窃听令人厌倦、毛骨悚然，她就走去木屋，在满是灰尘的地板上过夜，裹着备用的毯子。她安排好采贻贝和制作熏鱼的时间，好让泰特带去给老跳，再带回她的补给。她尽量不暴露腹部。
“REMEMBER WHEN YOU READ your first sentence, you said that some words hold a lot?” Tate said one day, sitting on the creek bank.
“还记得你读第一个句子时说这些文字包含很多吗？”有一天，泰特坐在小溪边说。
“Yeah, I remember, why?”
“是的，我记得。怎么了？”
“Well, especially poems. The words in poems do more than say things. They stir up emotions. Even make you laugh.”
“诗歌尤其如此。诗里的文字远不止表意。它们触发情感，甚至能让你大笑。”
“Ma used to read poems, but I don't remember any.”
“妈妈过去经常读诗，但我一点也不记得了。”
“Listen to this; it's by Edward Lear.” He took out a folded envelope and read,
“听听这个，是爱德华·利尔写的。”他拿出一个折叠的信封，读道：
“Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly
Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry;
And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray;
And off they sailed among the waves,
Far, and far away.”
然后长腿爸爸先生
和软趴趴飞行先生
急匆匆冲向起了泡沫的大海，
伴着一声自发的喊叫；
他们发现了一艘小船，
它有粉色和灰色的帆；
于是他们在海浪里起航，
去往很远很远的地方。
Smiling, she said, “It makes a rhythm like waves hitting the beach.”
她微笑着说：“这首诗的节奏听起来就像是海浪击打着沙滩。”
After that she went into a poem-writing phase, making them up as she boated through the marsh or looked for shells—simple verses, singsong and silly. “There's a mama blue jay lifting from a branch; I'd fly too, if I had a chance.” They made her laugh out loud; filled up a few lonely minutes of a long, lonely day.
从那之后，她进入了写诗的阶段，驶过湿地或寻找贝壳时会编织一些诗句——语言简单，节奏单调，有点傻气。“一只蓝鸟妈妈从树枝上起飞；我也要飞，如果有机会。”这些诗句让她哈哈大笑，填补了漫长又寂寞的一天中倍感孤独的几分钟。
One late afternoon, reading at the kitchen table, she remembered Ma's book of poetry and scrounged until she found it. The volume so worn, the covers had long since gone, the pages held together by two frayed rubber bands. Kya carefully took them off and thumbed through the pages, reading Ma's notes in the margins. At the end was a list of page numbers of Ma's favorites.
一天下午，基娅坐在餐桌旁读书，想起了妈妈的诗集，便去翻找，找出了那本书。书已经很旧了，封皮早已不见，书页用两根旧橡皮筋绑在一起。基娅小心翼翼拿下皮筋，手指摩挲着书页，看妈妈写在缝隙处的笔记。最后是一份妈妈最爱的诗歌页码清单。
Kya turned to one by James Wright:
基娅翻到詹姆斯·赖特的一首诗：
Suddenly lost and cold,
I knew the yard lay bare,
I longed to touch and hold
My child, my talking child,
Laughing or tame or wild . . .
Trees and the sun were gone,
Everything gone but us.
His mother sang in the house,
And kept our supper warm,
And loved us, God knows how,
The wide earth darkened so.
And this one by Galway Kinnell.
I did care. . . .
I did say everything I thought
In the mildest words I knew. And now, . . .
I have to say I am relieved it is over:
At the end I could feel only pity
For that urge toward more life.
. . . Goodbye.
突然感到迷失和寒冷，
我知道院子里空空荡荡，
我想要触摸和拥抱
我的孩子，我说话的孩子，
笑着的或顺从的或狂野的……
树木和太阳已消失，
除了我们一切已逝。
他的母亲在屋里唱歌，
热着我们的晚餐，
爱着我们，天知道为何
广阔的大地变得如此黑暗。
还有高尔韦·金耐尔的一首：
我的确关心……
我的确说出了所有所想
用我所知的最温和的话语。如今……
我不得不说结束让我释然：
对更多生机的渴望
最终我只感到遗憾。
……再见。
Kya touched the words as if they were a message, as though Ma had underlined them specifically so her daughter would read them someday by this dim kerosene flame and understand. It wasn't much, not a handwritten note tucked in the back of a sock drawer, but it was something. She sensed that the words clinched a powerful meaning, but she couldn't shake it free. If she ever became a poet, she'd make the message clear.
基娅触碰着这些文字，仿佛它们是一条信息，仿佛当初妈妈特地把它们画出来是为了让女儿某天就着昏暗的煤油灯光读到并读懂。不算很多，不是塞在放袜子的抽屉深处的手写字条，但它是有意义的。她感觉到这些文字蕴含着强烈的意义，但她无法释放它们。如果她能成为一名诗人，就可以读懂这些信息。
AFTER TATE STARTED his senior year in September, he couldn't come to Kya's place as often, but when he did, he brought her discarded textbooks from school. He didn't say a word about the biology books being too advanced for her, so she plowed through chapters she wouldn't have seen for four years in school. “Don't worry,” he'd say, “you'll get a little more every time you read it.” And that was true.
九月，泰特进入高年级，没法经常来基娅这里，不过他每次来，都会从学校带来用过的教科书。他没有提生物书对她来说太超前，所以，她艰难地读着那些在学校待四年都不会读到的内容。“别担心，”他说，“每次读都会有所收获。”这倒是真的。
As the days grew shorter, again they met near her shack because there wasn't enough daylight to get to the reading cabin. They had always studied outside, but when a crazed wind blew one morning, Kya built up the fire in the woodstove. No one had crossed the shack's threshold since Pa disappeared more than four years ago, and to ask anybody inside would seem unthinkable. Anyone but Tate.
白天越来越短，他们再次把见面地点改为棚屋，因为白天的时间不够去阅读小屋。他们总在户外学习，但一天早上，狂风呼啸，基娅在火炉里生起了火。自从爸爸四年前消失后，再没有人踏进过棚屋的门槛。邀请别人进屋简直不可想象，除了泰特。
“Wanta sit in the kitchen by the stove?” she said when he dragged his rig onto the lagoon shore.
“要不要坐到厨房的火炉边上？”她问道。泰特把船停到了潟湖边。
“Sure,” he said, knowing not to make a big deal of the invitation.
“好呀。”他说，知道不要对这个邀请反应太大。
As soon as he stepped inside the porch, he took nearly twenty minutes to explore and exclaim over her feathers and shells and bones and nests. When they finally settled at the table, she pulled her chair close to his, their arms and elbows nearly touching. Just to feel him near.
从踏进门廊起，他花了大约二十分钟探索她收集的羽毛、贝壳、骨头和鸟窝，不停地发出惊叹。当他们终于在桌旁坐定，她把椅子拉近，两人的胳膊和手肘几乎要碰到。她只是想离他近一点。
With Tate so busy helping his dad, the days dragged slow from nose to tail. Late one evening she took her first novel, Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, from Ma's bookshelf and read about love. After a while she closed the book and walked to the closet. She slipped on Ma's sundress and swished around the room, flipping the skirt about, whirling in front of the mirror. Her mane and hips swaying, she imagined Tate asking her to dance. His hand on her waist. As if she were Mrs. de Winter.
因为泰特忙着帮他爸爸做事，基娅感觉日子被从头到尾拉得很漫长。一天晚上，她从妈妈的书架上拿起她的第一本小说，达夫妮·杜穆里埃的《蝴蝶梦》，读到了爱情。过了一会儿，她合上书，走到衣柜旁。穿上妈妈的背心裙，在房间里绕圈；裙摆飞起，她在镜子前旋转。她摆动长发和臀部，想象着泰特邀请她跳舞，他的手扶着她的腰，就像她是德温特夫人。
Abruptly she caught herself and bent over, giggling. Then stood very still.
突然，她回到了现实，笑得弯下了腰。然后又站定，一动不动。
“COME ON UP HERE, CHILD,” Mabel sang out one afternoon. “I got ya some things.” Jumpin' usually brought the boxes of goods for Kya, but when Mabel showed up, there was usually something special.
“到这儿来，孩子，”某个下午，玛贝尔大声招呼她，“我给你带了点东西。”通常是老跳给基娅带来一箱箱东西，每次玛贝尔出现都会有一些特别的东西。
“Go on then, pick up yo' stuff. I'll fill yo' tank,” Jumpin' said, so Kya hopped onto the wharf.
“来吧，来拿你的东西。我来加油。”老跳说。基娅跳上码头。
“Look here, Miss Kya,” Mabel said, as she lifted a peach-colored dress with a layer of chiffon over the flowered skirt, the most beautiful piece of clothing Kya had ever seen, prettier than Ma's sundress. “This dress is fit for a princess like you.” She held it in front of Kya, who touched it and smiled. Then, facing away from Jumpin', Mabel leaned over at the middle with some effort and lifted a white bra from the box.
“基娅小姐，看这儿。”玛贝尔说。她拿起一条桃色的裙子，印花裙摆上覆着一层薄纱，这是基娅见过的最美的裙子，比妈妈的背心裙还美。“这裙子正适合你这样的公主。”她把裙子举在基娅面前。抚摸着裙子，基娅脸上露出微笑。然后，玛贝尔背对着老跳，俯下身，费了点劲，从箱子里拿出一个白色胸罩。
Kya felt heat all over.
基娅浑身都在发热。
“Now, Miss Kya, don't be shy, hon. Ya be needin' this 'bout now. And, child, if there's ever anything ya need to talk to me about, anything ya don't understand, ya let ol' Mabel know. Ya heah?”
“好了，基娅小姐，别害羞。亲爱的，现在你也该需要这个了。还有，孩子，你有任何想和我聊的事情，任何不懂的事情，都让我知道，好吗？”
“Yes'm. Thank you, Mabel.” Kya tucked the bra deep in the box, under some jeans and T-shirts, a bag of black-eyed peas, and a jar of put-up peaches.
“好的。谢谢你，玛贝尔。”基娅把胸罩深深地塞进箱子里，压在牛仔裤、短袖、一袋黑眼豌豆、一罐桃干下面。
A few weeks later, watching pelicans float and feed in the sea, her boat riding up and down waves, Kya's stomach suddenly cramped up. She'd never been seasick, and this felt different from any pain she'd ever had. She pulled her boat ashore at Point Beach and sat on the sand, legs folded to one side like a wing. The pain sharpened, and she grimaced, made a little moan. She must have the runs coming.
几周后，基娅开着船在浪里起伏，看鹈鹕漂在海上觅食。她突然感到胃里一阵抽搐。她从没晕过船，也从没经历过这样的疼痛。她把船停靠到湾头滩，坐在沙子上，腿像翅膀一样弯向一边。疼痛加剧了，她表情痛苦，发出一丝呻吟。一定是拉肚子了。
Suddenly she heard the purr of a motor and saw Tate's rig cutting through the white-capped surf. He turned inland the instant he saw her and made for shore. She spat out some of Pa's cussing. She always liked seeing Tate, but not when she might have to run to the oak woods any second with diarrhea. After dragging his boat next to hers, he plopped down on the sand beside her.
突然，她听到了发动机的轰鸣声，紧接着看见泰特的小船穿过白色海浪驶来。一看到基娅，他就转向陆地，准备靠岸。她骂了几句爸爸说过的脏话。她很高兴见到泰特，但不是在这种随时可能跑去橡树林拉肚子的时候。他把船停在她的小船旁，扑通一声坐到她身边。
“Hey, Kya. What're you doing? I was just going out to your place.”
“你好，基娅，你在干吗呢？我正打算去你那儿。”
“Hey, Tate. It's good to see you.” She tried to sound normal, but her stomach twisted tightly.
“你好，泰特。很高兴见到你。”她尽力让自己听上去正常，但她的胃抽搐得厉害。
“What's wrong?” he asked.
“怎么了？”他问。
“What do you mean?”
“什么意思？”
“You don't look good. What's wrong?”
“你看起来不太好。出什么事了？”
“I think I'm sick. My stomach's cramping real hard.”
“我想我病了。胃抽搐得厉害。”
“Oh.” Tate looked out over the sea. Dug his bare toes in the sand.
“啊。”泰特看向海面，用脚趾挖沙子。
“Maybe you should go,” she said, head down.
“你该走了。”她低下头说。
“Maybe I should stay till you're better. Suppose you can't get yourself home?”
“或许我应该待到你好一点的时候。我想你没法自己回家吧？”
“I might have to go to the woods. I might be sick.”
“我可能需要进林子里去。大概是病了。”
“Maybe. But I don't think that's going to help,” he said quietly.
“或许吧。但是我不觉得那会有帮助。”他轻声说。
“What do you mean? You don't know what's wrong with me.”
“什么意思？你又不知道我哪里不对。”
“Does this feel different from other stomachaches?”
“这和别的胃痛不一样吧？”
“Yes.”
“嗯。”
“You're almost fifteen, right?”
“你快十五岁了，对吧？”
“Yes. What's that got to do with it?”
“是的。这有什么关系？”
He was quiet a minute. Shuffled his feet, digging his toes deeper in the sand. Looking away from her, he said, “It might be, you know, what happens to girls your age. Remember, a few months ago I brought you a pamphlet about it. It was with those biology books.” Tate glanced at her briefly, his face blazing, and looked away again.
他沉默了一会儿，晃着脚，脚趾更深地抠进沙子里。他转移开视线，说：“这可能是你这个年纪的女孩身上会发生的事情。记得吗，几个月前我给你带了一本相关的册子，和生物书一起。”泰特很快地瞟了她一眼，脸烧得通红，视线又移开了。
Kya dropped her eyes as her whole body blushed. Of course, there'd been no Ma to tell her, but indeed a school booklet Tate had brought explained some. Now her time had come, and here she was sitting on the beach becoming a woman right in front of a boy. Shame and panic filled her. What was she supposed to do? What exactly would happen? How much blood would there be? She imagined it leaking into the sand around her. She sat silent as a sharp pain racked her middle.
基娅垂下眼，整个身体都红了。当然，她没有妈妈告诉她这方面的事，但泰特带来的一本学校手册里解释了一些。现在，是她的日子到了，而她正坐在沙滩上，在一个男孩面前变成女人。羞耻感和恐慌感席卷了她。她该做什么？到底发生了什么？会有多少血？她想象着血渗进周围的沙子里。她沉默地坐着，感到一阵剧痛袭来，在身体正中间。
“Can you get yourself home?” he asked, still not looking at her.
“你能自己回家吗？”他问，仍然没有看她。
“I think so.”
“我想可以的。”
“It'll be okay, Kya. Every girl goes through this just fine. You go on home. I'll follow way back to make sure you get there.”
“没关系的，基娅，每个女孩都安然无恙地经历了这个。你回家吧。我在后面跟着，确保你到家。”
“You don't have to.”
“不用。”
“Don't worry about me. Now get going.” He stood and walked to his boat, not looking at her. He motored out and waited quite far offshore until she headed up coast toward her channel. So far back he was just a speck, he followed until she reached her lagoon. Standing on the bank, she waved briefly to him, her face down, not meeting his eyes.
“别担心我。走吧。”他站起来，向船走去，没有看她。他把船开出去，在离岸边很远的地方等着，直到她沿着海岸把船开上水道。他远得成了一个小点，但一直跟在后面，直到基娅到了棚屋附近的潟湖。她站在岸上，朝他快速挥了挥手，低着头，没有看他的眼睛。
Just as she had figured out most things, Kya figured out how to become a woman on her own. But the next morning at first light, she boated over to Jumpin's. A pale sun seemed suspended in thick fog as she approached his wharf and looked for Mabel, knowing there was little chance she'd be there. Sure enough, only Jumpin' walked out to greet her.
正如她靠自己搞懂了大多数事情一样，她也靠自己弄明白了怎么成为一个女人。第二天清晨，当天空泻下第一缕阳光，她开船去找老跳。苍白的太阳悬在浓雾中。靠近老跳的码头时，她试着寻找玛贝尔，但心里明白她在那儿的概率很小。果然，只有老跳走出来迎接她。
“Hi, Miss Kya. Ya needin' gas a'ready?”
“你好，基娅小姐，你这就需要加油了？”
Still sitting in the boat, Kya answered quietly, “I need to see Mabel.”
她仍然坐在船上，轻声回答：“我需要见玛贝尔。”
“I'm sorry as can be, child, Mabel ain't here today. Can I help ya?”
“非常对不起，孩子，玛贝尔今天不在这儿。我能帮你吗？”
Head down low, she said, “I need to see Mabel bad. Soon.”
她头垂得很低，说：“我需要见玛贝尔，尽快。”
“Well then.” Jumpin' looked across the small bay out to sea and saw no more boats coming in. Anybody needing gas at any time of day and every day including Christmas could count on Jumpin' being here—he hadn't missed a single day in fifty years, except when their baby angel, Daisy, died. He couldn't leave his post. “Ya hang on there, Miss Kya, I gonna run up the lane a ways, get some chillin to fetch Mabel. Any boat come in, ya tell 'em I'll be right back.”
“那好吧。”老跳隔着小湾看向大海，确认没有船过来。任何需要汽油的人，在白天任何时候，一年中任何一天，包括圣诞节，都可以指望在这里找到老跳——五十年来，他一天都不曾错过，除了他的宝贝天使黛西死去那天。他不能离开他的位置。“基娅小姐，你在这里等等，我跑去小径上，找个小孩去叫玛贝尔。有船来了你就告诉他们我很快回来。”
“I will. Thank you.”
“我会的。谢谢你。”
Jumpin' hurried up the wharf and disappeared as Kya waited, glancing out in the bay every few seconds, dreading another boat coming in. But in no time he was back, saying some kids had gone to get Mabel; Kya should “just wait a spell.”
老跳匆匆离开码头，消失了。基娅等待着，每隔几秒就向小湾看看，害怕有别的船来。但很快老跳就回来了，说有小孩去找玛贝尔了，基娅只要再“等一会会”就好。
Jumpin' busied himself unpacking packets of chewing tobacco on the shelves and generally doing around. Kya stayed in her boat. Finally Mabel hurried across the boards, which shook with her swing as if a small piano were being pushed down the wharf. Carrying a paper bag, she didn't bellow out a greeting, as she would have otherwise, but stood on the wharf above Kya and said quietly, “Mornin', Miss Kya, what's all this 'bout, child? What's wrong, hon?”
老跳忙忙碌碌，在货架上给嚼烟拆封，还有其他各种事情。基娅待在自己的船上。终于，玛贝尔踩着木板匆匆过来了。那些板子随着她的摇摆而晃动，仿佛一架小钢琴被推下了码头。她提着一个纸袋，没有像往常那样大声打招呼，而是站在码头上，基娅上方，轻声说：“早上好，基娅小姐。发生什么事了，孩子？怎么了，亲爱的？”
Kya dropped her head more, mumbled something Mabel couldn't hear.
基娅垂下头，嘟哝了几句，玛贝尔没有听见。
“Can ya get out of that boat, or should I get in there with ya?”
“你能从船上下来吗，还是我应该上去？”
Kya didn't answer, so Mabel, almost two hundred pounds' worth, stepped one foot, then the other into the small boat, which complained by bumping against the piling. She sat down on the center bench, facing Kya at the stern.
基娅没有回答。玛贝尔几乎有两百磅重，一只脚踩进船里，然后另一只也跟着踩进去。小船抱怨似的撞击着木桩。她坐到中间的座位上，面朝船尾的基娅。
“Now, child, tell me what's wrong.”
“好了，孩子，告诉我怎么了。”
The two leaned their heads together, Kya whispering, and then Mabel pulled Kya right over to her full bosom, hugging and rocking her. Kya was rigid at first, not accustomed to yielding to hugs, but this didn't discourage Mabel, and finally Kya went limp and slumped against the comfort of those pillows. After a while, Mabel leaned back and opened the brown paper bag.
她们把脑袋靠在一起，基娅耳语了一番，玛贝尔把基娅拉到胸口，抱住她，轻轻摇晃。一开始，基娅浑身僵硬，不习惯被拥抱，不过玛贝尔没有气馁。终于，基娅的身体放松下来，放任自己跌向枕头般柔软的安慰。过了一会儿，玛贝尔坐直身子，打开棕色的纸袋。
“Well, I figured what's wrong, so I brought ya some things.” And there, sitting in the boat at Jumpin's wharf, Mabel explained the details to Kya.
“我猜到了你的事情，所以给你带了点东西。”坐在老跳码头旁的小船里，玛贝尔向基娅解释了细节。
“Now, Miss Kya, this ain't nothin' to be 'shamed of. It ain't no curse, like folks say; this here's the startin' of all life, and only a woman can do it. You're a woman now, baby.”
“基娅小姐，这丝毫没有什么可羞耻的。并不像有些人说的是诅咒。这是所有生命的开端，而且只有女人能做到。孩子，你现在是一个女人了。”
WHEN KYA HEARD TATE'S BOAT the next afternoon, she hid in thick brambles and watched him. For anyone to know her at all seemed strange enough, but now he knew about the most personal and private occurrence of her life. Her cheeks burned at the thought of it. She would hide until he left.
第三天下午，基娅听到泰特的船驶过来的声音，躲到了茂密的灌木丛里，看着他。有人了解她，这已经够怪的了，而现在，他知道了她生命里最个人、最私密的事情。想到这里，她的脸颊烧了起来。她要一直躲到他离开。
As he pulled onto the lagoon shore and stepped out of the boat, he carried a white box tied up with string. “Yo! Kya, where are you?” he called. “I brought petite cakes from Parker's.”
他把船停靠在潟湖边，走出小船，提了一个系绳的白色盒子。“嘿！基娅，你在哪儿呢？”他喊道，“我带了帕克家的小蛋糕。”
Kya had not tasted anything like cake for years. Tate lifted some books out of the boat, so Kya moseyed out of the bushes behind him.
基娅有好几年没吃过蛋糕之类的东西了。泰特又从船里拿出一些书，基娅磨磨蹭蹭地从他身后的灌木丛里出来了。
“Oh, there you are. Look at this.” He opened the box, and there, arranged neatly, were little cakes, each only an inch square, covered in vanilla icing with a tiny pink rose perched on the top. “Come on, dig in.”
“啊，你在这儿呢。看看这个，”他打开盒子，里面整整齐齐地摆着小蛋糕，每个只有一平方英寸那么大，覆盖着香草糖霜，顶上还有一朵小小的粉玫瑰，“来吧，开动吧。”
Kya lifted one and, still not looking at Tate, bit into it. Then pushed the rest of it into her mouth. Licked her fingers.
基娅拿起一个，还是没看泰特，一口咬下，然后把整个蛋糕都塞进嘴里，舔了舔手指。
“Here.” Tate set the box next to their oak. “Have all you want. Let's get started. I brought a new book.” And that was that. They went into the lessons, never uttering a word about the other thing.
“给你，”泰特把盒子放在橡树旁，“想吃多少吃多少。我们开始吧。我带了一本新书。”那件事就这么化解了。他们继续上课，再也没提起它。
AUTUMN WAS COMING; the evergreens might not have noticed, but the sycamores did. They flashed thousands of golden leaves across slate-gray skies. Late one afternoon, after the lesson, Tate lingering when he should have left, he and Kya sat on a log in the woods. She finally asked the question she'd wanted to ask for months. “Tate, I appreciate your teaching me to read and all those things you gave me. But why'd you do it? Don't you have a girlfriend or somebody like that?”
秋天来了。常青树没注意到，但美国梧桐注意到了。它们在石灰色的天空中摇晃着成百上千的金黄色叶片。某天下午，上完课后，泰特本该走了，却逗留了一会儿。他和基娅坐在树林里一根倒下的木头上。她问出了那个她想了好几个月的问题。“泰特，我很感激你教我读书，还送我这么多东西。但你为什么这么做呢？你没有女朋友或类似的朋友吗？”
“Nah—well, sometimes I do. I had one, but not now. I like being out here in the quiet and I like the way you're so interested in the marsh, Kya. Most people don't pay it any attention except to fish. They think it's wasteland that should be drained and developed. People don't understand that most sea creatures—including the very ones they eat—need the marsh.”
“没——好吧，有时候有。我以前有过，但现在没有。我喜欢来这里，安安静静的。我喜欢你热爱湿地的样子，基娅。大多数人对湿地毫不关心，除了捕鱼，他们认为它是荒地，应该被抽干开发。人们不理解，大多数海洋生物，包括他们吃的那些，都需要湿地。”
He didn't mention how he felt sorry for her being alone, that he knew how the kids had treated her for years; how the villagers called her the Marsh Girl and made up stories about her. Sneaking out to her shack, running through the dark and tagging it, had become a regular tradition, an initiation for boys becoming men. What did that say about men? Some of them were already making bets about who would be the first to get her cherry. Things that infuriated and worried him.
他没有提到他为她的孤单心痛。他知道这些年来其他孩子是如何待她的。镇上的人们叫她湿地女孩，编造关于她的故事。溜到她的棚屋，穿过黑暗在门上留下标记已经成为一项传统，一项男孩变男人的仪式。而那些男人又能好到哪儿去？有些已经在打赌谁能先得到她的初夜。这些事情让他既生气又担忧。
But that wasn't the main reason he'd left feathers for Kya in the forest, or why he kept coming to see her. The other words Tate didn't say were his feelings for her that seemed tangled up between the sweet love for a lost sister and the fiery love for a girl. He couldn't come close to sorting it out himself, but he'd never been hit by a stronger wave. A power of emotions as painful as pleasurable.
但这些都不是他在树林里给基娅留下羽毛并且一直来看她的主要原因。他没有说出口的是他对她的感情，既是对逝去的妹妹的甜蜜之爱，也是对一个女孩的火热之爱，纠缠其间，他没法清楚地分辨出来。但可以确定，这是他经历过的最强烈的浪潮，又痛苦，又欢乐。
Poking a grass stalk down an ant hole, she finally asked, “Where's your ma?”
她把一根草秆戳进蚂蚁洞里，问：“你妈妈呢？”
A breeze wandered through the trees, gently shaking branches. Tate didn't answer.
一阵风吹过树丛，轻柔地摇晃树枝。泰特没有回答。
“You don't have to say nothing,”she said.
“你怎么都不用说。”她说。
“Anything.”
“什么。”
“You don't have to say anything.”
“你什么都不用说。”
“My mother and little sister died in a car wreck over in Asheville. My sister's name was Carianne.”
“我妈妈和妹妹在阿什维尔的一场车祸里去世了。我妹妹叫卡丽安。”
“Oh. I'm so sorry, Tate. I bet your ma was real nice and pretty.”
“哦，对不起，泰特。我想你妈妈肯定人很好，很漂亮。”
“Yes. Both of them were.” He spoke to the ground, between his knees. “I've never talked about it before. To anybody.”
“是的。她们两个都是，”他对着地面说，头埋在膝盖间，“我从来没说过这件事。对谁都没有。”
Me neither, Kya thought. Out loud she said, “My ma walked off one day and didn't come back. The mama deer always come back.”
我也是，基娅想。她说：“我妈妈有一天走了，再也没回来。母鹿总是会回来的。”
“Well, at least you can hope she does. Mine won't come back for sure.”
“好吧，至少你能盼着她回来。我妈妈是永远都不会回来了。”
They were silent a moment, then Tate continued. “I think . . .” But he stopped, looked away.
他们沉默了一会儿，泰特接着说：“我想……”但他停下了，眼睛看向别处。
Kya looked at him, but he stared at the ground. Quiet.
基娅看着他，他看着地面。没人说话。
She said, “What? You think what? You can say anything to me.”
她说：“什么？你想什么？你可以跟我说任何事。”
Still he said nothing. From a patience born from knowing, she waited.
他还是什么都没说。她带着与生俱来的耐心，等待着。
Finally, very softly he said, “I think they went to Asheville to buy my birthday present. There was this certain bike I wanted, had to have it. The Western Auto didn't carry them, so I think they went to Asheville to buy that bike for me.”
最后，他轻声说：“我想她们是要去阿什维尔给我买生日礼物。当时我想要一款很特别的自行车，非它不可。西部车行没有，所以我想她们是要去阿什维尔给我买那辆自行车。”
“That doesn't make it your fault,” she said.
“这不是你的错。”她说。
“I know, but it feels like my fault,” Tate said. “I don't even remember what kind of bike it was.”
“我知道，但感觉上就是我的错，”泰特说，“我甚至都不记得是辆什么样的自行车了。”
Kya leaned closer to him, not enough to touch. But she felt a sensation—almost like the space between their shoulders had shifted. She wondered if Tate felt it. She wanted to lean in closer, just enough so their arms would gently brush together. To touch. And wondered if Tate would notice.
基娅靠近了一些，没有近到互相可以触碰到，但她有一种感觉——似乎他们肩膀之间的空间消失了。她好奇泰特有没有感觉到。她想靠得更近，近到他们的胳膊刚好可以轻轻摩擦。她想知道泰特有没有注意到。
And just at that second, the wind picked up, and thousands upon thousands of yellow sycamore leaves broke from their life support and streamed across the sky. Autumn leaves don't fall; they fly. They take their time and wander on this, their only chance to soar. Reflecting sunlight, they swirled and sailed and fluttered on the wind drafts.
就在这时，风变大了，无数金黄的美国梧桐叶离开它们赖以生存的树枝，在天空中飘荡。秋叶不是凋落，是飞舞。它们不紧不慢，随风漫步，这是它们翱翔于天空的唯一机会。它们反射阳光，在风中旋转、飘荡、飞舞。
Tate sprang from the log and called to her, “See how many leaves you can catch before they hit the ground!” Kya jumped up, and the two of them leapt and skipped through curtains of falling leaves, reaching their arms wide, snatching them before they fell to the earth. Laughing, Tate dived toward a leaf only inches from the ground, caught it, and rolled over, holding his trophy in the air. Kya threw her hands up, releasing all the leaves she had rescued back into the wind. As she ran back through them, they caught like gold in her hair.
泰特从原木上跳起来，大声说：“看看在树叶落地前你能抓到多少！”基娅也跳起来。他们在漫天落叶织就的帘幕中又蹦又跳，舒展双臂，在叶子落地前接住它们。泰特大笑着一个俯冲，在一片叶子离地几英寸时抓住了它，翻身打了个滚，把战利品高高举向空中。基娅抬起手，把所有抓到的叶子撒向风中。她跑向落叶，头发上的叶子宛若黄金。
Then, as she whirled around, she bumped into Tate, who had stood, and they froze, staring into each other's eyes. They stopped laughing. He took her shoulders, hesitated an instant, then kissed her lips, as the leaves rained and danced around them as silently as snow.
她在叶子间旋转，撞上了站在一旁的泰特。他们都僵住了，看着彼此的眼睛。笑声止息。他握住她的肩膀，犹豫了一瞬，吻上了她的唇。黄叶在周围萧萧而下，随风飞舞，静如落雪。
She knew nothing about kissing and held her head and lips stiff. They broke away and looked at each other, wondering where that had come from and what to do next. He lifted a leaf gently from her hair and dropped it to the ground. Her heart beat wildly. Of all the ragged loves she’d known from wayward family, none had felt like this.
她对接吻一无所知，只能僵着头和嘴唇。两人分开，互相看着对方，思考着这个吻从何而来，接下来又该做什么。他轻柔地从她发间拨落一片叶子，任它掉落在地上。她的心脏疯狂跳动。她那些任性的家人给予她的爱支离破碎，与此大为不同。
“Am I your girlfriend now?” she asked.
“我现在是你的女朋友了吗”？她问。
He smiled. “Do you want to be?”
他笑了。“你想做我的女朋友吗？”
“Yes.”
“想。”
“You might be too young,” he said.
“你年纪太小了。”他说。
“But I know feathers. I bet the other girls don't know feathers.”
“但我了解羽毛啊。我猜其他女孩不懂羽毛。”
“All right, then.” And he kissed her again. This time she tilted her head to the side and her lips softened. And for the first time in her life, her heart was full.
“那好吧。”他再次吻了她。这边她把头侧向一边，嘴唇柔软。人生新年第一次，她的心满满当当。
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