手和嘴是婴儿探索世界的工具，周围的每样事物他都想抓一抓、咬一咬，尤其是长牙、手掌能拍打、抓握后，婴儿会对不同物体进行练习、实验，体验各种各样的感觉。
18个月—2岁的孩子还不具备完善的语言能力来表达自己的各种需求，因此会通过动作来辅助交流，当他的口头表达能力形成后，抓咬会逐渐终止。
再大一点，这个简单的冲动就会扩展，开启对世界的探索，区分我与非我，比如表达愤怒、争夺物品、保护自己的领地、展示力量、试图控制某个局面、赢得父母的关爱等。
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如何帮助孩子面对和处理自己的攻击性，尤为重要。10个简短的句子讲述了在家庭生活中，怎样用蒙台梭利式的方法去理解和帮助孩子。如果你对蒙台梭利的育儿方法有兴趣，不妨了解看看。
I'm not sure which is harder, watching someone be mean to your child, or watching your
perfect angel turn into a hitting, kicking, biting machine right before your eyes. Witnessing your child's aggressive behavior can feel somewhat horrifying for several reasons.
First, it's embarrassing. It can feel like a reflection of you as a mother and it's natural to want to make it clear to others that you don't condone such behavior.
Second, you love your child and you want everyone else to love them too, to see the best side of them that you know is in there under the aggression.
Third, it's a lttle scary. Sometimes it's hard as parents to know what qualifies as "normal”behavior for young children and what we should be legitimately concerned about.
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我不知道哪个更难，看着别人刻薄你的孩子，或者看着你心中完美的天使孩子在你眼前变成一个又踢又咬的机器。目睹你的孩子的攻击性行为，可能会感到有点恐怖，原因有几个。
首先，这很尴尬。这感觉就像你作为一个母亲，很自然地想要让别人知道你不宽恕这样的行为。
其次，你爱你的孩子，你也希望其他人也爱他们，看看他们在攻击行为背后的另一面。
第三点，有点吓人。有时，作为父母，很难知道什么是“正常”的儿童行为，以及应该合理关注什么。
For all of these reasons, we tend to have big reactions when our child exhibits aggressive behavior, but that isn't always helpful. Aggressive behavior is completely normal and expected in young children and it is an impulse, something they do in response to big, overwhelming feelings, not because they think it's okay.
As parents, our reaction is key. The goal is to help our child understand what they're feeling and why they reacted that way, to help them develop other coping mechanisms for their feelings, and to let them know the behavior is unacceptable, without making them feel ashamed.
由于所有的这些原因，当孩子表现出攻击行为时，父母往往会有很大的反应，但这并不总是有帮助的。 激进的行为在幼儿身上是完全正常和可预期的，这是一种冲动，他们会对巨大的、无法抗拒的感觉做出反应，而不是因为他们觉得没事。
作为父母，我们的反应是关键。 我们的目标是帮助我们的孩子理解他们的感受以及他们为何如此反应，帮助他们为自己的感受发展其他应对机制，让他们知道这种行为是不可接受的，而不会让他们感到羞耻。
图片来源：童心童语托育中心
Here are 10 Montessori-inspired phrases to try next time you witness your precious
child acting somewhat less than angelic.
这里有10个蒙台梭利启发的短语，下次当你看到你的宝贝孩子表现得有点不像天使时，不妨试试。
1. "Let's stay home today."
The best way to handle aggressive behavior is to prevent it. Of course, this is not always possible, but try to observe when the behavior is occurring so that you can recognize patterns and protect your child from situations that are likely to set them off.
In Montessori classrooms, we often keep a written log when a child is continually exhibiting aggressive behavior. Noting the time of day, peers involved and environmental factors such as noise will help you to determine if something physical such as hunger or overstimulation is inciting the behavior.
Once you understand the factors that are likely to set your child off, you can recognize when they are having a rough day and likely won't be successful. In this case, you can opt to stay home or stay near them when you go out to help prevent the behavor.
1.“我们今天待在家里。”
处理攻击性行为的最好方法是提前预防。这很难，但是试着观察行为发生的时间，这样你就可以识别行为模式，保护你的孩子远离可能引发攻击性行为的情况。
在蒙台梭利教室，当孩子不断表现出攻击性行为时，我们经常会保留观察记录。注意到一天中的时间，同伴和环境因素，如噪音会帮助你确定某些物理因素如饥饿或过度刺激是否会引发这种行为。
一旦你了解了可能让你的孩子兴奋起来的因素，你就能意识到他们在什么时候过得很艰难，而且可能不会成功。在这种情况下，你可以选择呆在家里或在他们附近，当你出去帮助防止这种行为。
2. "I can't let you do that."
If your child is in a phase of physical aggression, try staying near them when they are around other children. If you notice them becoming aggressive, physically block them and say, "I can't let you bite," or something similar.
The key to success here is to be very frm, but not angry. Your goal is to make the limit clear while remaining calm. If your child gets a big reaction from you, they may repeat the behavior for attention or to explore why it gets such a big reaction.
2.“我不能让你这样做。”
如果你的孩子正处于身体攻击的阶段，当他们和其他孩子在一起的时候，试着待在他们附近。如果你注意到他们变得咄咄逼人，在身体上阻止他们说，“我不能让你咬你”，或类似的话。
在这里成功的关键是语气要非常坚定，而不是愤怒。你的目标是在保持冷静的同时，让极限变得清晰。如果你的孩子从你那里得到了很大的反应，他们可能会重复这个行为以引起你的注意，或者探究为什么这个行为会得到如此大的反响。
3. "Let's take a break."
When you first notice your child becoming agitated, invite them to take a break with you. Find a quiet space and practice taking deep breaths together or sing a quiet song. Once they're calm, you may choose to talk about what was bothering them.
Practice mindfulness exercises in calm times too to help your child develop ways to regulate their behavior.
图片来源：童心童语托育中心
3.“我们休息一下。”
当你第一次注意到你的孩子变得焦躁不安时，请他们和你一起休息一下。找一个安静的空间，练习一起做深呼吸或者唱一首安静的歌曲。一旦他们平静下来，你可以好他们谈论是什么在困扰他们。
在平静的时候练习正念练习也可以帮助你的孩子找到调节他们行为的方法。
4. "Let's find something you can bite."
Toddlers sometimes hit or bite not out of anger, but to explore the sensation or satisfy a physical impulse. If your child seems to behave aggressively when theyre not upset or angry, try offering another way to meet this need.
You might offer a teether or a snack, or showing them how to punch a pillow when they feel the urge to hit.
4.“让我们找一些你可以咬的东西。”
幼儿有时不是因为生气而打或咬，而是为了探索这种感觉或满足身体的冲动。如果你的孩子在他们不生气不焦虑的时候表现得很有攻击性，试着提供另一种方式来满足他们的需要。
你可能会给他们一个磨牙棒或者一份零食，或者在他们感觉到想要打的冲动时，教他们如何击打枕头。
5. "Are you okay? How can I help?"
If you're not able to prevent the behavior and your child bites or hits another child, always focus on the "victim" first.
There's no need to be overly dramatic, but model how to check on the other child. This is more effective in demonstrating that the other child is hurt than lecturing your child. Your child may want to help by getting a drink of water for the other child or offeringa hug.
图片来源：童心童语托育中心
5.“你还好吗？需要我帮忙吗？”
如果你不能阻止孩子的行为，而你的孩子又咬了或者打了另一个孩子，永远要把注意力先放在“受害者”上。
没有必要过于戏剧化，但要模拟如何检查其他孩子。这表明，其他孩子受到伤害比教训你的孩子更重要。你的孩子可能想帮忙给另一个孩子喝水或者给他一个拥抱。
6. "I want to talk to you about what happened on the playground."
While it's important to make limits clear at the moment, it can also be helpful to find a neutral time when you're both calm to discuss your child's behavior. Try to keep this discussion as neutral as possible. Start by stating what you saw. You might say something like, "I saw you hit Johnny when he took your shovel. You didn't like it when he did that, but I don't want you to hit."
Depending on your child's age, you might discuss what they were feeling and what they might do next time they feel that way. Offer clear alternatives, like telling your child's friend they're not done with the shovel or asking a grownup for help.
6.“我想跟你谈谈操场上发生的事情。”
虽然现在明确限制是很重要的，但是当你们在讨论孩子的行为时，找到一个中立的时间也是很有帮助的。
尽量使这次讨论保持中立。首先说明你所看到的。你可以这样说，“我看见约翰尼拿你的铲子时打了他。你不喜欢他那样做，但我不希望你打他。”
根据孩子的年龄，你可以探讨他们的感受，以及下次他们这样想做什么。提供明确的替代方案，比如告诉孩子的朋友他们没有使用铲子，或寻求成年人寻求帮助。
7. "You look frustrated."
It is sometimes helpful to name feelings for preverbal children. Toddlers often react with aggression because they are not able to verbalize what they are feeling.
If you're not sure what your child is feeling, you may phrase it like, "I would feel angry if someone took my apple."
If your child is older or more verbal, you might try asking what they were feeling instead.
It can be helpful to discuss feelings in calm times as well. Try reading a book together or, for an older hild, drawing people feling diferent things
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7.“你看起来很沮丧。”
有时给还不会说话的孩子命名感觉是有帮助的。刚学步的孩子常常会表现出攻击性，因为他们无法用语言表达他们的感受。
如果你不确定孩子的感受，你可能会说，“如果有人拿走了我的苹果，我会感到生气。”
如果你的孩子比较大或者更爱说话，你可以试着问问他们感觉如何。
在平静的时候讨论感情会很有帮助。 尝试一起读书，或者对于年龄较大的孩子，让他们感受不同的东西。
8. "How would you feel? I would fl...
In addition to discussing your child's feelings, talk about how the other person might feel.
Try to remain neutral and free of judgment as you ask your child, "how would you feel if someone bit you?"
If your child isn't able to respond, try saying how you would feel. You might say, "I would feel sad and a lttle scared if someone bit me. Biting hurts."Empathy takes time todevelop, but it is never to early to start working on the skill.
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8.“你感觉如何？我会感觉......”
除了讨论孩子的感受之外，还要谈谈对方的感受。
当你问你的孩子时，尽量保持中立客观，“如果有人咬你，你会有什么感觉？”
如果你的孩子不能回应，试着说说你会有什么感觉。
你可能会说，“如果有人咬我，我会感到难过和有点害怕。咬人很疼。”同理心的培养需要时间，但是永远不要过早地开始练习这种技能。
9. "Stay by me until you can be safe."
If your child has been aggressive and you can't (or don't want to) leave, ask your child to stay by you until they can play safely. You might need to hold their hand to keep them close.
You might stand quietly for a few minutes and then discuss things they could do, or friends they could play with, peacefully.
If you feel like your child can play calmly after a few minutes, give them another chance. Stay nearby though so that youre ailable to prevent furthe aggresion if necessarry
9.“在我身边直到你安全了。”
如果你的孩子很爱挑衅你，不能（或不想）离开，让你的孩子在你身边，直到他们安全地玩耍。你可能需要握着他们的手，让他们靠近。
你可以安静地站几分钟，然后讨论他们能做的事情，或者和他们一起玩耍的朋友。
如果你觉得你的孩子能在几分钟后平静地玩，再给他们一次机会。但是要待在附近，这样你就可以在必要的时候防止进一步的攻击。
10. "It's time for us to go home."
If you are at the park or on a playdate and you see your child unraveling, don't be afraid to cut the outing short. Your child may be upset, but it is better for them to try again another day if they are unable to control their impulses. This can be said in a loving way so it is not perceived as a punishment.
It can be really hard to see your child behaving aggressively, but it helps to remember that this behavior is normal and that your child isn't doing it to be "bad." They need your help, through both loving support and clear limits, rather than anger or judgment to get through this tough phase.
10.“我们该回家了。”
如果你在公园里或者在玩的时候，看到你的孩子在发脾气，那就缩短郊游的时间。你的孩子可能会不高兴，但如果他们无法控制自己的冲动，最好改天再试一次。这可以用爱的方式来表达，这样就不会被认为是一种惩罚。
你很难看到你的孩子表现得咄咄逼人，但是记住这种行为是正常的，你的孩子并不是为了“坏”而这么做，能明白这一点是很有帮助的。他们需要你的帮助，通过爱的支持和明确的限制，而不是愤怒或判断来度过这个艰难的阶段。
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