再改一篇英语作文,原文来自网络。

修改前:

Today, the supermarket has been most people’s choice when they go shopping, the supermarket is very popular. They count on supermarkets so much have many reasons, first, the supermarket has all kinds of products. People live in a fast-paced society, they are busy with their work all day, when they have time, they want to get some rest and spend less time purchasing. When walking in the supermarket, they can buy what they want in the fastest time and save more time in wandering around the market for picking the products. Second, the product in the supermarket is of good quality. The products in the supermarket are highly checked, the boss makes sure the quality, they make a promise to the customers if the customer finds the products are fake, the supermarket’s reputation will loss and the profit gets less. So the supermarket is always keeping good quality. The supermarket will be more and more people’s choices.

修改中:

英语作文班级学习园地(批改英语作文超市)(1)

英语作文批改:超市

解说:

“the supermarket” —— “supermarket” 用复数,"supermarkets”。卖货的商店很多,它又不是月亮、太阳,不唯一,不必用 "the",除非你特指某家超市。

"Today, the supermarket has been" —— "has been"指过去发生而延续的状态,与"today"不合。如果说"Today, supermarkets have become",似乎就可以,因为强调过去发生的某事对于当今的影响。要想避免疑惑,直接说,"Today, supermarkets are"。

"when they go shopping," —— 这里用句号。这篇文章的作者缺乏标点的概念,该用句号的地方用了一堆逗号,下同。

"for many reasons" —— 文中一共讲了两个原因,说不上"many"。用"some"或"certain"。

"all kinds of products" —— 工厂生产的是"products",到了商店就成了"goods",大概如此,所以用"goods"。

"they are busy all day" —— 用一个形容词词组,"busy all day",灵活句式。另外这个地方有两三个独立的句子,需彼此连接,所以有"so"等等。

"they can buy" —— 用了好几次"they",把"they"改成"shoppers"。

"in the fastest time" —— 时间本身没有快慢,除非你相信爱因斯坦。不管怎样,能直接说"fast",为什么要说"in the fastest time"?

"save more time in wandering around" —— 说法不妥,你到处逛,怎么能节省时间。可以说"save themselves the trouble of wandering"。

"Second," —— "second"或"secondly"都可以用作副词,但"secondly"似乎更能引起别人的注意,多一个音节嘛。这就好像中国人对听众讲话,你说“第二”,如果说得挺快,别人可能就忽略了。你要是个领导,就拖着长腔说,“这个第二点呢,就是……”

"the product in the supermarket is of good quality" —— 首先,"product"改成"goods"或"merchandise"。另外,这里说话太绝对,超市的东西也不一定件件好。改成"Goods in supermarkets are more likely of good quality."

"highly checked" —— 硬造的说法。可以说"carefully inspected"。

"if the customer finds the products are fake" —— "a customer"或者"customers"。可数名词宜用单数或复数,不要总是用定冠词,除非你特指某人。顾客很多,他又不是太阳,他又不是月亮,人道顾客是上帝,不过打个比方。

"finds the products are fake" —— 后面是个句子,加"that"引领,"if a customer finds that ",或者接”to be",或者省去分句或"to be",直接用形容词。另外,不只是赝品,还有残次品,所以,”if customers find their purchases fake or defective"。

"So the supermarket is always keeping good quality" —— "Always"? Like I'm going to believe you.

"The supermarket will be more and more people’s choices." —— 不都网购了吗。

修改后:

英语作文班级学习园地(批改英语作文超市)(2)

英语作文批改:超市 - 修改后

翻译:

现如今,超级市场是大多数人购物的第一选择。超市确实很受欢迎。人们如此依赖超市,有其原因。首先,超市提供品种繁多的商品。现在大家伙儿都生活在一个快节奏的社会,一天到晚地上班,有了空余时间,就想着歇一歇,不愿意花很多时间去买这买那。在超市里,人们可以很快地买到他们想买的各种物品,也就免得他们从一家店铺跑到另外一家店铺,或者在自由市场里向众多的小商贩逐一购买蔬菜瓜果。第二点,超市里商品的质量大概率地更好一些。超市对于顾客有一种承诺,所以它们会比较仔细地检验它们的货品。如果顾客发现他们买到的东西是冒牌货或者残次品,超市的声誉就会受到损害。所以,现在越来越多的人们到超市购物。

随笔:

超级市场起源于二十世纪初的美国。有人说最早的创始人是纽约的金·库伦,也有人说是加州的拉尔夫斯兄弟。这些人开创的商店,规模较大,但主要还是免去了售货员取物这一环节,实行货品开架、顾客自选。

美国的超市以出售食品为主,但一些超市与百货商场结合,也出售大量的日用商品,这种更大规模的商场比supermarket还super,被叫作hypermarket,算是超超级市场或者大卖场,后面这类商场的的代表是沃尔玛。

超级市场和大卖场的出现严重冲击了原有的小规模店铺。家庭开办的小店铺,美国人叫作mom-and-pop shop,爹妈店,夫妻店,又称shop around the corner,街头小店。在超市冲击小店铺这个问题上,美国人比较分裂,有些人觉得方便很重要,另外一些人则觉得超市把每个城镇都变得大同小异,非常乏味,所以他们倒是喜欢自己的社区有些小店小铺,维持自己的特色。美国历史短,所以许多人珍惜他们想象中的传统。中国历史长,所以不顾一切地追求大、新、快。所谓缺啥补啥。

汤姆·汉克斯和梅格·瑞恩主演过一部电影,1998年出品,叫作You've Got Mail (被无趣地翻译为《电子情书》或者《网上情缘》)。剧中的女主人公自己开着一家小书店,男主人公家里运营着大规模的图书连锁系统,马上就要在小书店旁边开张图书超市。男女两人通过电邮发生了爱恋,但不知道彼此是生意上的对头。结果小书店垮了,但耐情有了结果,灰姑娘要嫁给超市少东家。

当然了,电邮很快就进化到了网上购物,实体超市的生意近些年也受到亚马逊这类网店的冲击。就书店而言,美国曾有Borders和Barnes & Noble两大连锁,Borders十年前就破产关门了,BN还在努力坚持。You've got mail? You've got delivery! 汉克斯,有快递!

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