打雷了，有的人趴在对象怀里，奶声奶气说：人家好害怕啦！而我却趴在窗户，把头伸外面说：我操！这雷真牛逼！
When it thundered, some people lay down in the arms of the object and said with milk: people are so scared! And I lay on the window, put my head out and said: fuck! This thunder is awesome!
我对你的爱像拖拉机上山，轰轰烈烈
My love for you goes up the mountain like a tractor, vigorous and vigorous
下雨了，我对老天爷说我不想头秃了，老天爷都无雨了
It's raining. I told God I don't want to be bald. God has no rain
我每天都坚持做仰卧起坐 晚上一个仰卧 早上一个起坐
I insist on doing sit ups every day, one in the evening and one in the morning
今年姨58 ，离两次婚带俩娃 没有爱人没有朋友 希望你能让我体会到爱情的滋味 只有两辆迈巴赫 汤臣一品三套房还有一个四合院在出租 别嫌弃姨 姨现在用带满钻戒的手擦眼泪 姨真的好累。
This year's aunt 58, divorced twice with two babies, no lover and no friends. I hope you can let me experience the taste of love. There are only two Maybach Tomson one grade three suites and a quadrangle courtyard for rent. Don't dislike aunt. Now wipe her tears with her hand full of diamond rings. Aunt is really tired.
晚上点外卖想起自己的体重扇了自己一巴掌 点外卖怎么能分心
At night, I slap myself when I think of my weight. How can I be distracted
女生千万别同居 刚刚我说午饭有点咸 薛之谦拿着锅铲就给我撵出来了 鞋都没来得及穿 分手了 爱不爱太明显
Girls do not live together. I just said lunch was a little salty. Joker Xue took out the shovel and threw it out. The shoes were not ready to break up. Love was not too obvious.
英雄不问出处，美女干饭不问斤数
Heroes don't ask where they come from, and beauties don't ask how many kilograms they have
被一道数学题难住了，于是我把题目对着天空讲了一遍，毕竟人算不如天算。
I was baffled by a math problem, so I told the problem to the sky again. After all, people are not as good as heaven.
人逼急了什么事都做得出来吗？数学题恐怕不行。
Can you do anything when people are in a hurry? I'm afraid I can't do math problems.
整个冬天最对不住的就是伸出被窝玩手机的那只手了
The most sorry thing in the whole winter is the hand that stretched out the quilt to play with the mobile phone
每次遇到乞丐，他们都向我抖一下碗里的钱，难道这就是炫耀吗？
Every time I meet a beggar, they shake the money in the bowl at me. Is this showing off?
下午胃疼躺在床上，老公帮忙倒了温水但是没拿药过来。我就说:老公，药。老公故做诧异:都病成这样了，还要什么要?
In the afternoon, I was lying in bed with stomachache. My husband helped pour warm water but didn't bring the medicine. I said, husband, medicine. So my husband was surprised: I'm so sick. What else do you want?
喜欢一个人是藏不住的 即使躲在衣柜里 也会被她老公发现
Like a person is not hidden, even if hiding in the wardrobe will be found by her husband
天冷了，晚上睡觉冻醒了别忘了给舍友掀一下被子
It's cold. When you wake up at night, don't forget to lift the quilt for your roommate.
打开美颜：女娲怎么会造出这等绝世美人；打开原相机：让我翻翻我在山海经哪一页
Open beauty: how could Nu Wa create such a peerless beauty; Open the original camera: let me turn over which page of Shanhaijing I am on
发一条爱你的说说我要屏蔽多少人你以为我没为你努力过吗
Send a message about how many people I want to block. Do you think I haven't worked hard for you
最近过得怎么样 大小便正常吗？
How are you doing recently? Is your urine normal?
处对象我是耐看型 虽然一开始你会觉得我丑 但是看久了就忍下来了
I'm a good-looking type. Although you will think I'm ugly at the beginning, you can bear it after watching for a long time
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