这是 达医晓护的第4019篇文章
其实孩子看到陌生人害怕是很常见的
这是因为宝宝对身边照顾他的熟悉的人有了依恋，比如妈妈。因为宝宝更喜欢熟悉的大人在一起，他们可能会对不熟悉的陌生人做出一些反应，比如说哭闹，紧张不安，过于安静，害怕或躲藏起来。
宝宝怕生一般从4-5月龄开始，通常在7-10月龄时变得更加明显。怕生可以持续几个月以上。通常会在宝宝18月龄到2岁开始减少，但根据孩子的性格脾气，有时可以持续更长时间。
例如，一个20月龄的婴儿从18个月大开始去托育中心，如果中心有一个新的老师，他可能会感到不安。孩子可能会哭吵，抱住爸爸妈妈的脖子不松手，甚至当老师想带他进去时会尖叫。
如何帮助容易怕生的宝宝？
虽然怕生是婴幼儿在发育发展过程道路上的一个阶段，但我们可以用一些方法来减少孩子紧张不安的情绪。
1. 帮助孩子在有陌生人的时候感受到舒适和安全
不要疏忽无视孩子对陌生人的害怕情绪。这可能会让孩子怕生的情况加重。
当孩子遇到新朋友时可以握住孩子的手，或者让他们坐在你的腿上。
如果可以的话，让孩子看见陌生人的地点首先选择在家里，因为家是孩子自己感觉最舒服最安全的地方。
如果遇到孩子对一个新认识的人感到非常紧张不安的情况，首先安抚孩子，并尝试一种不同的方法，比如大家一起玩。也可以让孩子稍微远离一下，直到他们冷静下来，然后可以重试。
如果预计会和新朋友待一段时间时，可以随身携带一些能让孩子感受到舒适有安全的物品，比如他的玩具或毯子。
家长自己也要保持平静。孩子会受你的影响，如果他们感觉到你的平静，他们会更有可能保持平静和自信。
2. 慢慢来
要有耐心。不要在孩子准备好之前强迫他们去面对新朋友。
尝试每次让孩子接触一个人，而不是一下子让孩子看到一大群的陌生人。随着孩子的信心增强，可以慢慢增加到2个或更多人。
当把你的孩子介绍给一个陌生人时，要和孩子在一起。让孩子确信你不会马上离开让他将他们和不熟悉的人在一起。
对于孩子不熟悉的人，比如家里的亲戚或朋友，让他们接过你的孩子之前先耐心等待一会儿，给孩子一点适应的时间。
对于年龄稍大的孩子，可以事先向她解释将会看的人是谁以及之后会干什么。例如，告诉孩子新来的保姆阿姨是你信任的人，并且要明确告诉孩子你会在什么时候回来。
3. 让孩子多结识新朋友
继续给孩子介绍新的朋友。当孩子有越来越多的机会遇到新朋友并发现他们还是很安全的，他们胆小怕生的情况就越有可能减少。
示范给孩子看你不害怕认识新朋友。用积极的肢体语言热情地问候新朋友 – 比如微笑，放松的姿势，眼神交流和快乐的语音语调。
帮助年龄较大的孩子练习一些适应性的方法来结识新朋友 - 例如，“让我们一起平静地呼吸几下吧”或“妈妈给你一个大大的亲亲，可以在你脸上呆一整天哦! 你可不可以也给妈妈一个？”这些简单的策略可以帮助你的孩子在不熟悉的人面前感到更自信。
不要过分担心大人的感受。可以告诉他们孩子正在学习适应和陌生人在一起，相信大家都会理解。
2岁以上的孩子怕生怎么办？
大多数孩子对陌生人的害怕情绪在2岁以后会逐渐消失，但对于年龄较大的孩子来说，害怕陌生人其实也并不少见。那我们有什么办法帮助孩子渡过这一阶段呢？
帮助孩子克服怕生情绪的一种方法是建立孩子的独立性。如果孩子建立起更独立的感觉，他们在面对陌生人时会更有信心。
下面有一些小方法可以有助于孩子提高独立性
让孩子自己做一些事情，比如自己吃饭，自己用玩具玩耍，自己探索发掘新的游戏环境。
带孩子多出去玩， 给予足够的新的体验，并把他们介绍给新面孔。渐渐地，他们会自己意识到，认识新的朋友不会发生任何不好的事情。
父母尽量不要急着自己去解决问题，耐心点等一等，给孩子一个机会让他自己解决看看。
鼓励孩子开始负责一些简单的家务 —— 例如，在你的指导下，把东西放在超市的手推车里，或检查信箱等。
孩子极度怕生怎么办
孩子对陌生人的极度恐惧可能会在他长大后导致社交恐惧。因此，如果孩子对怕生的程度很强烈，甚至发展到周围已经没有不熟悉的人以后也不会减少，以及2岁以后孩子怕生的现象没有任何好转，或者越来越厉害，家长可能需要考虑去找医生聊聊。另外，如果孩子极度怕生同时又有焦虑的家族史，也可以寻求医生的帮助。
Fear of strangers
Fear of strangers is very common.
It happens as your baby develops a healthy attachment to familiar people – like you. Because babies prefer familiar adults, they might react to strangers by crying or fussing, going very quiet, looking fearful or hiding.
Fear of strangers starts at 4-5 months and usually becomes more intense at 7-10 months of age. It can last a few months or continue for much longer. It often decreases somewhere between 18 months and 2 years, but it can last longer depending on a child’s temperament.
For example, a 10-month-old baby who has been going to childcare since they were 6 months old might get upset if there’s a new carer at the centre. They might cry, bury their head in their parent’s neck or scream when the carer tries to take them from their parent.
How you can help babies and children with fear of strangers
Although fear of strangers is part of how babies and young children develop, there are things we can do to help your child feel less upset.
1. Helping your child feel comfortable around strangers
Don’t ignore or dismiss your child’s fear of strangers. This could make the fear worse.
Hold your child’s hand or let them sit on your lap when they meet new people.
Introduce strangers first at home, if possible. Home is where your child feels most comfortable.
If your child gets very upset with a new person, comfort them and try a different approach like all playing together. You could also move your child slightly away from the new person until they calm down. Then you can try again.
Take your child’s comfort item (toy or blanket) with you when you’re spending time with new people.
Stay calm yourself. Your child will pick up on your cues. They’ll be more likely to be calm and confident if they sense that you feel the same way.
2. Taking it slowly
Be patient. Don’t push your child to go to new people before they’re ready.
Try to introduce new people one at a time, rather than in groups. You can work up to introducing 2 or more people as your child develops confidence.
When you introduce your child to someone new, stay with your child. This will reassure them that you’re not going to leave them with unfamiliar people straight away.
Ask unfamiliar adults, like extended family or adult friends, to wait for a while before they pick up your child.
For slightly older children, explain to your child who the new person is and what’s happening. For example, explain that the new babysitter is someone you trust. Also say when you’ll be back.
3. Meeting new people
Keep introducing your child to new people. The more chances your child has to meet new people and discover that they’re safe, the more likely it is that their fear will reduce.
Show your child that you’re not scared of new people. Greet them warmly with positive body language – smiles, relaxed posture, eye contact and a happy voice.
Help older children practise some coping strategies for meeting new people – for example, ‘Let’s take some calm breaths together’ or ‘Here’s a big kiss that will last all day. Can I have one too?’ These simple strategies can help your child feel more confident around unfamiliar people.
Don’t worry about grown-ups’ feelings. Just tell them that your child is learning to be around strangers.
Fear of strangers in children over 2 years
Most children’s fear of strangers starts to pass by about 2 years, but it isn’t unusual for older children to be afraid of strangers also. Do we have any ideas to help these children?
One way to help with worries about unfamiliar people is to build your child’s independence. If your child feels more independent, they might also feel more confident around strangers.
Here are some tips to help with independence:
Let your child do things for themselves, like feeding themselves, exploring new play environments and entertaining themselves with toys.
Give your child plenty of new experiences and introduce them to new faces. With time, they’ll realise that nothing bad will happen.
Try not to rush in to solve problems, and give your child a chance to work out solutions for themselves.
Encourage your child to be responsible for some simple family chores – for example, putting things in the supermarket trolley, or checking the letterbox.
Getting help for extreme fear of strangers
Extreme fear of strangers might lead to social anxiety when your child is older. So it’s worth talking to a health professional if your young child’s fear of strangers is really intense or if it doesn’t reduce even when there are no unfamiliar adults around. Also, if your child’s fear of strangers isn’t getting any better by the time they’re 2 years old or it’s getting worse, you might want to think about seeking professional help. And it might also be a good idea to seek help if there’s a family history of anxiety, because your child might be showing early signs of anxiety.
作者：澳大利亚墨尔本大学医学院儿科博士
百汇医疗（中国）儿科医师
蒋本然
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所有人名和地名均为化名，如有雷同，纯属巧合。
